


Battle Wounds

by QianLan



Series: Same Universe, Different Day [11]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-11-22 14:05:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11381745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QianLan/pseuds/QianLan
Summary: A crash landing.Two men stuck in an abandoned base facing the realities of war.Or the time Poe and Finn don’t re-enact a romance novel…





	Battle Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> This fic originally appeared as a chapter in my multi-chapter fic [Bad Romance.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7848733?view_full_work=true)
> 
> For the sake of the timeline of the Same Universe, Different Day series, I've made it into a stand-alone fic.

 

 

 

* * *

 

“When we sign up, what we don’t realize is that it’s never going to end.  Either we’re going to get swallowed up and die in battle or we’ll make it through to the other side, alive but haunted by those no longer with us: by those we fought, by those we served, by those we loved.”

                                                                        ~Gerna Hexx, _Battle Wounds_

 

* * *

 

 

 **_Battle Wounds_ ** **, page 43:**

Ari stared out the window onto the grassy landscape.  He had hoped that the beauty of it would help him forget, that he would somehow be able to erase all of his past evils if he allowed himself to stop and ponder the magnificence of nature.

 

Ezra came in.  “We’ll need to go soon,” he said, walking to the window.  He stood beside Ari and looked out.

 

“What do you see,” Ari asked.

 

Ezra fought the urge to shrug and instead concentrated on the view, hoping to give Ari whatever it was he was looking for.  “It’s peaceful.  Just grass and hills and clouds and sky.”  He couldn’t help the chuckle.  “I think it’s the kind of thing we’re supposed to want to look at or we’re supposed to look at to relax.  I’ve never been sure.”  He turned to Ari.  “I grew up in a city.  I never saw places like this till I joined the Rebellion, and these days, when I see them, they’re usually on fire.”  He turned back to the window.  “So I guess it’s nice it’s not on fire.”

 

Ari laughed.  Eventually, he said, “I was hoping that if I came up here and stared at it, I might see what other people see, but the truth of the matter is, I’m like you.  I don’t get the attraction.  It’s grass, for kriff’s sake.”

 

Ezra moved closer and took Ari’s hand.  “You’re nervous.”

 

Ari had to fight his initial instinct which was to snap back, _Of course, I’m nervous_.  He took a breath.  “Yes,” he said.  “I don’t expect a very warm welcome.”

 

“We’ve had Imperial deserters before.”

 

“I know.  I’m still nervous.”

 

Ezra lifted Ari’s hand to his mouth and lightly kissed his knuckles.  “Faith, Ari.  Sometimes you have to have a little bit of faith that everything will work out.”  He breathed out.  “Trust me.”

 

Ari squeezed Ezra’s hand.  “I want to, Ezra.”

 

“Then just do it.  I got us off that Star Destroyer.  I’ll get you into the Rebellion,” Ezra said.  Then he laughed.

 

“What?”

 

“Well, I also got you into my bed…”

 

“And here I was thinking that I got you into mine.” Ari smiled as he leaned over and pressed his lips to Ezra’s…

 

**# # # #**

 

Finn turned off the datapad and leaned back onto their bed.  Poe was on day two of what was supposed to be a three-day mission.  Finn said a silent prayer that it did indeed remain a three-day mission.  He let the datapad rest on his chest.

 

He’d been flicking through the folder of Poe’s romance novels.  For some reason, when Poe was away and he was stuck on base, they calmed him down—let him get lost in an optimistic cheesiness that in some ways was a very good substitute for Poe’s own special brand of optimistic cheesiness. 

 

Almost all of Poe’s reading tended towards the light and breezy.  Sure, he had a few really good romance novels, like _The Knight’s Dilemma_ , but most of them were seriously trashy.  The sex scenes were good, but there wasn’t much else there.  Sometimes, though, that was exactly what Finn needed.

 

Beyond the romance, all Finn had ever really found on Poe’s datapad were flight manuals and dry histories.  They didn’t distract him the way the romance novels did.

 

But yesterday, hidden deep in the datapad amongst the romance novels, he’d found this.  _Battle Wounds_.  It wasn’t a romance novel or a history.  In fact, it was the kind of fiction that Finn would’ve assumed Poe avoided like the plague: realistic, introspective, and if not pessimistic, then at least resigned to the realities of war.  Finn was enjoying it, but he kept wondering why Poe had it ferreted away with the romance novels.

 

Of course, when he’d first opened it, Finn assumed it was one of Poe’s standard _we-hate-each-other-oh-wait-the-sex-is-amazing-so-we-really-love-each-other_ kind of romps.  It was set before the battle of Endor.  A Rebel agent, Ezra, infiltrated the Empire and seduced an Imperial officer, Ari.  They fell in love and escaped. 

 

But all of that took place before the end of the first chapter.  The bulk of the book, as Finn soon discovered, picked up six months later.  The two of them tried to leave the war behind, but Ezra couldn’t help feeling he was letting his friends and family down.  He decided to go back to the Rebellion, and Ari decided to go with him.

 

Finn shook his head. It felt like this was written by someone who understood what it was like to live under the constant threat of battle.  The pull of duty.  The fears.  The desire to run away and never look back.  

 

And Ezra and Ari were real people with tempers and shortcomings and yet, they were lovely, and Finn found himself caring about them, both of them, and their relationship.  Mainly because they loved each other in a way that transcended sex. 

 

Finn spent the next several hours reading the book.

 

Over the course of it, Ezra and Ari made it back to the Rebellion base where Ari was eventually accepted, and somehow they managed to carve out a functioning relationship in the middle of the war.  But then, in the next to last chapter, Ezra died, and Ari was left alone at the end of the war, wondering just what to do. 

 

Finn teared up just thinking about it.  All of it hit a bit too close to home.

 

Which was why it surprised him that it was in Poe’s library.  Poe could get maudlin and moody after a mission just like anyone else, but for the most part, Poe tried hard to stay positive, to hope for the best.  And his taste (or lack thereof) in romance novels played that out: they were all about happy endings and making the impossible happen.  The prince is able to marry the pirate; the Republic officer redeems the thief; the man on the run clears his name and melts the moisture farmer’s heart. 

 

Finn bit his cheek.  _Why do you have this book, Poe?_

 

* * *

Ezra slammed his hand into the console.  “Dammit, Ari, we all have blood on our hands.  No one is innocent here.  And…” he held his hand up so Ari wouldn’t interrupt, “we’re all going to be tormented by that.  You aren’t special.  We’ve all killed people.  But what gets us through it, what makes it better—it isn’t that we’re fighting for the right side, even though I believe we are—it’s this,” he said, motioning between them.  “It’s having someone to come home to, someone to fight for.  You’re the only reason I’m still in one piece, Ari.”

 

Ari closed his eyes and leaned into Ezra.  He wanted to say something just as eloquent, but in the end, he settled on the biggest truth of his being: “I love you.”

 

~Gerna Hexx, _Battle Wounds_

* * *

 

 

It was a simple recon mission.  Poe was supposed to fly in; Finn was supposed to scout the location—about twenty klicks away from an abandoned Imperial base—and then they were supposed to leave.  It started out well enough: Finn was quick and efficient, and it wasn’t long until they were back in the air.

 

But as soon as they were, things went sideways.

 

A random First Order patrol had spotted them and suddenly Poe was trying to evade six TIEs in a modified cruiser that the Resistance had just inherited from an old friend of the General’s.  Poe let loose a litany of variations on _fuck_ and _kriff_ as the ship swung violently from side to side.

 

Finn grabbed the shielding controls and the blasters, suddenly missing the sleek design of the TIE they’d escaped the Finalizer in. 

 

A shot rocked the cruiser.  “Finn, I need those shield up,” Poe said, trying—and failing—to sound calm.

 

“Working on it, Poe.  How old is this thing?”

 

“Older than both of us,” Poe said, jabbing at buttons as they suddenly went straight up into the air.  “We’re not gonna be able to outrun them.  Gonna have to shoot them down.”

 

“Fuck, Poe,” Finn said, his eyes on the tracking system.

 

“Don’t worry, babe, I’ll get you into position…now!”

 

They’d pulled up behind one of them.  Finn fired and watched the TIE explode.  He whooped just as another shot rocked the cruiser.

 

“Finn!”

 

“On it!”

 

“Gonna…”  The ship suddenly dove and crested to the right.  “Fuck.  Gonna get you in position for another one…Be ready…Here it comes…Now,” Poe screamed.

 

Finn shot and clipped the TIE’s wing.  It spun out into the jungle below.

 

“Good enough,” Poe said. 

 

Finn was busy keeping an eye on the shields and the guns, but a part of him was aware of Poe’s laser focus—and that had him a bit scared.  Poe was usually loose in a fight, cracking jokes, seemingly disinterested.  It was when he got serious that Finn knew to panic.  _He doesn’t think we’re gonna make it out of this._

 

Another shot shook the cruiser.  “Much more of that, Finn…”

 

“I know.  I know!”

 

Poe jerked the controls and they were suddenly diving towards the jungle canopy.  “Kriffing hell!”  Shots were coming all around them.  “Finn!”

 

The whole cruiser shook.  Poe jerked up the nose of the craft and they started rising.  “There’ll be one in your sights…Now!”

 

Finn fired and watched the TIE explode, its shrapnel taking out another TIE.

 

An alarm was blaring.  “Two left,” Poe said, punching buttons.  “Shut up!” Poe screamed at the console.  “I know!”

 

They banked left, and dove back down, clipping the tops of the trees in the jungle below.  The cruiser was shaking now and Finn was starting to wonder how much longer they were going to remain airborne. 

 

“On our six.  You see it?”

 

 “Yeah.”

 

“Gonna be in your sights in three…two…one…”

 

Finn shot and heard the TIE explode.  He let out a long breath.  Only one more left.  _Please say they didn’t have time to call up reinforcements._

 

Another alarm started sounding.  “Finn, strap yourself in.”  Poe started fastening his harness.  A shot rocked the ship.  “FUCK!”

 

Poe’s grip was so tight on the controls that his hands had gone white.  Finn could feel the panic rising in his system.  _Poe never gets scared.  He’s the best damn pilot in the whole_ —

 

The ship started listing to the left.  Poe yelled, “He’s gonna be in your sights…now!”

 

Finn fired and nearly started crying as the TIE fell into the jungle below, exploding as it hit the ground.  _We did it!  We kriffing did it._

 

Finn turned to see Poe, still grasping the controls way too hard.  The ship was shaking violently now.

 

“Poe?”

 

Poe realized there was no way to avoid the crash.  His mind raced as he tried to figure out the best way to do it to ensure that Finn made it out of this alive.  “I love you,” he screamed.

 

“Love you to—”

 

The world went black.

 

**# # # #**

 

Finn woke up coughing.  His shoulders hurt where the harness was digging into them.  He opened his eyes to find himself caught—the harness was holding him to the seat which was now facing the ground.  Once he hit the release, he was going to fall into what was left of the console.  It was smoking and the smell told him that the wiring and metal were melting.  _Need to get out of here.  Need to find Poe and get out of here._

He looked to his left.  That part of the transport—the part where Poe had been—was gone.  Finn was filled with a terror he hadn’t felt since waking up alone on Jakku.

 

“Poe,” he screamed.  “Poe!  Poe, answer me, you son of a bitch!”  He grabbed the release and let first one and then the other side of the harness go, holding onto the seat and then slowly letting himself dangle down.  It was still a bit of a fall, but he didn’t have a choice.  _I have to find Poe_.

 

He landed on the mess of metal with a loud thwack.  He quickly scrambled out of what was left of the ship, and as soon as he made it to solid ground, he began trying to triangulate where the rest of the ship had to be.  From the looks of it, it had been shorn in two.  Finn didn’t want to think about what had cut through the metal like that, what it would’ve done to a body.  He forced his brain not to go there.  “Poe,” he yelled again, his voice already hoarse.  “Poe!” The desperation in his voice was scaring him.

 

He finally spotted a small plume of smoke and he began running towards it, faintly aware that one of his ankles was not okay and that there were probably other bruises and scratches that would need to be dealt with.  _Later_ , he thought to himself _.  Just let me find Poe, and then, body, you can hurt all you want._   He then added, _But please not too much._

 

If it was possible, this side of the ship was even worse than the one Finn had just left.  He tried to convince himself that the tears in his eyes were from the smoke and not from the rising dread in his system.  “Poe,” he croaked out.  “Dammit, Poe, answer me!”

 

A faint sound caught his attention.  Finn turned to his right and began scrambling through the jungle.  “Poe!”

 

Someone coughed and then he heard the sweetest sound ever.  “Finn,” came Poe’s scratchy voice.  “Finn, oh maker, please tell me that’s you.”

 

Finn burst through the canopy to find Poe, still strapped to his seat, which was dangling about three feet off the ground.  Finn closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks to the maker or the Force or whatever it was that seemed to keep Poe Dameron perpetually safe.  He ran to Poe. 

 

Poe’s entire countenance changed as soon as it was clear that Finn was really in front of him.  He was freely crying.  “I’ve never been that scared in all my life, Finn.  Where the kriff were you?”

 

Finn took out his knife and began cutting Poe loose from the harness.  “The rest of the ship is about a klick that way,” Finn said motioning with his head.  “Looks like the ship got cut clean in two.”

 

“Yeah,” Poe breathed out.  “Looks like it.”  Finn cut the second harness strap and helped Poe fall out.  Poe immediately wrapped his arms around Finn, pushing his head into Finn’s neck.  “I…I…”  He squeezed tighter.  Finn closed his eyes and let one hand travel up to Poe’s hair, just to touch him, make sure he was really there, that they had really survived this.

 

Finn then opened his eyes and took in the wreckage. 

 

He stepped back and began laughing.

 

Poe wasn’t sure what to make of it.  “Finn?”

 

Finn was trying to catch his breath.  “Are you hurt?” he managed.

 

Poe did a quick inventory.  “Not too bad.  Why?”

 

Finn held out his arms.  “Me either.”  He started laughing again.  “Look at this, Poe.  How is that possible?  What the fuck?”  The laughter was verging on tears.  “How are we alive?”

 

Poe came up behind Finn and wrapped his arms around him.  “Breathe with me, baby.”

 

“Poe, how are we alive?”

 

“Breathe, Finn.  I need you to close your eyes and breathe.”

 

“Poe, how…”  Finn was hyperventilating. 

 

Poe held him, breathing slowly, repeating the mantra.  “Innnnnn and Ouuuuuut.  Innnnnn and Ouuuuuut.”  _Don’t think about it, Dameron.  Don’t look at the wreckage.  Just focus on Finn.  Got to calm him down_.

 

About ten minutes later, Poe let Finn go and sank to the ground, exhausted.  Finn was still breathing a bit heavily, but he was better.  He licked his lips and said, “We’re going to need to find some shelter for the night and a way to contact base.”

 

Poe nodded to their left.  “If we…” _don’t say crashed_ , “landed where I think we landed, then the old Imperial base is that way.  If we start walking now, we should make it before nightfall.”

 

Finn nodded and offered Poe a hand up.  They began walking towards the abandoned base in silence.

 

 

* * *

 

“To be completely vulnerable to someone else, that is love.  It is to place your trust in them, to show them your truest face and believe that they will not run away, that they will see it and find something of worth there, even when you may not.”

 

                                                                        ~Gerna Hexx, _Battle Wounds_

* * *

 

 

The building was dark and damp.  And blessedly empty.  Wherever that TIE patrol had come from, their friends weren’t here…yet.

 

Finn quickly found some old lanterns and started lighting the space.  Poe found an old comm unit.  “Say a prayer that the generators work,” he said, flipping the switch.  When it hummed to life, he closed his eyes and sighed, _Thank you_.  He plugged it into the Resistance’s emergency frequency and sent out a distress call.  “Here’s hoping they get it.”  _Before anyone else shows up._

 

“They will,” Finn said.  He left, returning a few minutes later with some bedding and an old first aid kit.  “Figured we’d want to bunk near the comm unit.”

 

“Good idea,” Poe said.

 

Finn seemed to have gotten over his earlier panic, but for some reason that just made Poe more anxious.  He felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin if he didn’t find something to do.  He fiddled with the comm unit, and when it was clear that an answer wasn’t forthcoming, he pushed himself away and began pacing the room.

 

Finn had just settled their bedding when he looked up and noticed Poe.  “Anything I can do to help?”

 

“Actually,” Poe said.  He practically pounced on Finn. 

 

“Ooooph,” Finn said, pushing back just slightly.  “You sure,” he managed as Poe sucked a bruise on his neck.

 

“Very sure,” Poe said, nuzzling.  “Need this.  Need to feel alive.  Need to feel your body.”  He was already pawing at Finn’s clothes.

 

“Okay,” Finn laughed.  Not that he minded sex with Poe, but there was a desperation to this that was a bit unsettling.  To calm his own nerves, he found the back of Poe’s head and pulled him into a long kiss.

 

Poe broke the kiss and began yanking at his shirt.  He took absolutely no care in tossing his clothes away.  Finn tried to at least get his clothes into a singular pile, but Poe was already grabbing at him, so needy.  Finn finally just tugged off his shirt and threw it, hoping he’d find it later.  “Okay, okay, okay, Poe, I’m here.”  Poe pulled him down onto the bedding, locking their lips together.

 

Finn went to move, but suddenly, Poe held him in place.

 

“Poe?  You okay, buddy?”

 

Poe nodded, panting, his grip just fractionally tighter.  He then seemed to come back into himself and released Finn. 

 

“Are you sure—”

 

“I’m sure.”  Poe’s pupils were blown.  “I need you in me.”

 

“Lube?”

 

Poe scrambled for his discarded pants and produced a small tube.  Finn smiled—it was one of Poe’s most adorable habits: always being prepared for sex.  But as Poe crawled back to Finn, Finn couldn’t dismiss the look on Poe’s face.   _He’s so freaked out._

 

Poe laid back on the bedding, handing the lube to Finn.  He looked up at Finn, and Finn wanted to cry.  It was easy to forget how exposed Poe could be—how truly naked, in every sense of the term, he allowed himself to be—around Finn.  Finn leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on Poe’s mouth.  “I love you, baby.”  _Please calm the fuck down_.

 

Poe leaned his forehead into Finn’s, grabbing the back of Finn’s neck.  He closed his eyes, trying to impress the sensation onto his mind, willing himself never to forget this.  There were tears welling up in his eyes.  “I…Finn, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

Finn pulled Poe up so he was sitting.  He wrapped his arms around the pilot and Poe did the same, squeezing hard.  “Poe?”

 

Poe was still a bit breathless.  “I don’t know.  I just…  Fuck, Finn.  How much longer can we keep doing this before our luck runs out?”

 

Finn sighed.  Poe coming off the adrenaline of a mission was always a bit of a gamble; he was either restless and prone to get into trouble or he went to a dark place.  Finn had to be careful he didn’t join him.  Especially after a mission that had gone so wrong.  “Poe,” he said, grabbing both sides of his face.  “We will make it out of this war alive.”

 

“How do you kn—”

 

“No.  Listen to me.  I did not break twenty-three years of conditioning, crash a TIE fighter, and face off against a psychotic madman with a lightsaber for nothing.  I have to believe we’re going to make it through this.  That’s the only way this works.  You, me, and Rey at the end of this war having a drink in a shitty cantina, missing the good old days.  I will not accept anything less.”

 

Poe closed his eyes.  “How are you so kriffing amazing,” he whispered.  He grabbed Finn’s head and pressed a kiss to his lips.

 

Finn let out a long breath.  He tilted his head up to kiss Poe’s forehead and then pulled Poe even closer.  “I love you, Poe.”

 

“I love you, too, Finn.”

 

They stayed locked in each other’s arms for several minutes before Poe leaned back.  “So, the mood is definitely ruined, right?”

 

Finn broke into a small smile.  “I think maybe…yeah.”

 

Poe shook his head, pushing away from Finn.  “Sorry.”

 

“Poe.”  Poe was already rising and searching for his clothes.  “Poe.”  Poe stopped and looked at him.  “Poe, come here.”  Poe reluctantly moved until he was standing in front of Finn.  Finn took his hand and tugged.  Poe sat back down and Finn maneuvered him until his back was against Finn’s chest.  “Dameron, never apologize to me about not having sex.  I love you.  If we never had sex again, I’d still love you.”  He wrapped his arms around Poe.

 

“Finn, it’s just…”

 

“I know, baby.”  Finn squeezed tighter.

 

“No, you don’t,” Poe said. 

 

Finn shifted so he could look into Poe’s eyes.  _You gonna tell me?_

 

Poe let out a long breath.  “Me nearly dying,” he let out a mirthless laugh, “Stars, I’m used to that.  But you?”  He grabbed at Finn’s arms, wrapping them tighter around himself.  “I nearly got you killed, Finn.  I wouldn’t be able to…”  He took in a sharp breath.  “I almost got you killed,” he whispered.  He started shaking.

 

Finn closed his eyes and nuzzled into Poe’s neck.  “Baby, I’m right here.  I’m alive.  You’re the reason for that.  No other pilot in the Resistance—hell, no other pilot in the kriffing galaxy—gets us out of that alive.  You didn’t almost kill me, Poe.  You saved my life.”  He squeezed Poe, resting his forehead on Poe’s shoulder.  “You saved me,” he said quietly.

 

 

* * *

“There are those moments when time ceases to have meaning—it could be a few seconds and it could be years; it doesn’t matter.  The weight of the thing, that’s what matters, that’s what you take with you.  Sitting on the cold, metal floor, wrapped up in each other, swaying ever so slightly and finding comfort in the feel of skin against skin—that was all that mattered.  It was what they would pick up and take with them, what they would carry in them during the next near miss (because there would always be another near miss).  It was what would make the war bearable.  It was what would keep them sane.”

                 

                                                                        ~Gerna Hexx, _Battle Wounds_

* * *

 

 

 

The comm was scratchy but it was definitely Bastian’s voice, “Come in.  Poe?  Finn?  Can either of you read me?  We’ve got a signal but it’s pretty weak and I’m not—”

 

“Bastian, it’s us.  We’re in an old Imperial bunker.”

 

“Thank the maker, Finn!  It is so good to hear your voice.  Is the Commander there?”

 

“Right here, baby bird.”

 

“I’m begging you, Poe, please stop calling me that.”  He could hear the smile in Bastian’s voice.  “We’ll be there in about an hour.  You guys need anything?”

 

“No.  We’re good,” Poe said.  “Over and out.”

 

Poe took a deep breath and started pulling his boots on.  “Do we need to talk about…”

 

“I don’t know,” Finn said.  Then, he stopped.  “Actually, yeah, we do.”  He walked over to where Poe was sitting and sat down next to him.  When Poe finished with his boots, Finn took his hand.  “Look, I know it’s war and at any time you might not come back or I might not come back or hell, neither of us might come back…”

 

“If you’re trying to cheer me up, Finn—”

 

“No, let me get this out.”  Finn took a deep breath.  “Poe, nothing is certain.  You take a slightly different shot on Jakku and I’m the one dead, not Slip.”  Poe made to speak but Finn kept going.  “You stay with the Republic instead of joining up with the General, and you die when the Order blows up the Hosnian system.  Any number of things and this all turns out differently.  But the point of the matter is, we’re here—you and me—and for as long as we get to have this, I’m gonna…” Finn closed his mouth, suddenly fumbling.  “And well, the one thing that I’ve never doubted is…well, it’s you.”

 

“Oh, Finn.”

 

“No, let me finish.” 

 

“There’s more?”

 

Finn’s whole face lit up.  “Yeah, Dameron, there’s more.”  He squeezed Poe’s hand.  “I’ve been thinking about us, about all this and I…”  His voice started to falter.  “Poe what I’m saying is,” he looked up at his boyfriend, “will you marry me?”

 

Poe’s whole body jerked as he let out a crazy sounding laugh.  “What?”

 

“I asked if you’d marry me.”

 

“ _That_ ’s what you got from today?”  Poe felt like he was coming unhinged.  He stood up and began pacing.

 

“Actually, Dameron, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but today just sort of solidified things for me.”

 

Poe couldn’t stop laughing.  _Guess it’s my turn to get hysterical._   “We almost die and…”  Poe was shaking his head. 

 

Finn was starting to get pissed.  He stood up.  “Unless you don’t want to marry me,” he said—and there wasn’t a hint of fear in his voice; it was pure anger, because he knew how Poe felt about him.

 

Poe sobered almost immediately.  “We almost died, Finn.”

 

“Yeah, Poe, I was there.”

 

“What if…”

 

“Dammit, Poe, no,” Finn roared.  “We are not going to play that game for the rest of our lives!” 

 

Finn closed his eyes and forced himself to take a calming breath.  He opened them and leveled his most serious _don’t-fuck-with-me-Dameron_ stare at the man he was currently having a hard time believing he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  “I’m going to lay it all out for you in the simplest terms possible,” he said.  “I’m in love with you—have been for as long as I care to remember—and I love living with you and being with you, and honestly, that could be enough.  But here’s the deal.  _And I want you to really listen to me, Poe_.”  He took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on Poe’s.  “I want to have a ceremony and I want to invite our friends and your father, and I want to wear a ring and do all of that stupid stuff if for no other reason than _this could all be over tomorrow_.  I want to stand in the face of the future and tell it that I have faith in you, in us, and that I’m betting on that.”  Finn grabbed Poe.  “I’m not going to give into my fears and all of the what-ifs that are a part of our lives, Poe.  I want to show everyone that I have something to believe in and that something is _us_.  Understand?”  His voice got low.  “So I’ll ask you once again: Poe, will you marry me?”

 

Poe was crying.  _In a million years, I will never be half that eloquent or half that smart._

 

“Fuck yes, I’ll marry you.”  Poe kissed Finn, a smile on his lips.

 

Finn pushed back.  “You sure, Dameron?”

 

“Yeah, Finn, I’m sure.”  Poe laughed—this time a real, honest Dameron laugh.  “In fact, when we get back to base, I’ll give you the ring I’ve been carrying around for the last two cycles.”

 

Finn closed his eyes and shook his head.  “Seriously, Dameron.  What am I gonna do with you?” 

 

He kissed his fiancée.

**# # # #**

 

At some point, the kiss turned decidedly less sweet.  As Poe started licking down Finn’s neck, he realized they were both wearing too many clothes.

 

Poe began dragging Finn’s shirt off, flinging it away. 

 

“Ummm?”  Finn watched his shirt go sailing, fighting the urge to run after it and at least put it somewhere clean.  Poe was working on his boots now, and as Finn looked down, he saw that desperate look in Poe’s eyes return.

 

“You sure?” Finn breathed.  _Baby, we’re okay._

 

“Yeah.  Wanna celebrate.  Need to celebrate,” Poe said, tugging on Finn’s pants.  Finn helped him get the rest of their clothes off.  Then, his hands found the back of Poe’s head, pulling him forward into a deep kiss.  Finn began sinking to the ground and Poe followed, not wanting to lose contact.

 

Finn pushed Poe back onto the bedding.  “Lay down,” he said softly.  Finn knew he needed to take this slowly, be careful with Poe. 

 

Finn dotted kisses around Poe’s chest down to his legs and back up to his thighs.  Poe hummed as he did it, his fingers brushing against the top of Finn’s head.

 

Finn wrapped his hands around Poe’s cock and began stroking it lightly, feathering kisses at the top.

 

“Ummmmmm,” Poe said. 

 

“Good,” Finn asked.

 

“Ummmmmmmm.”

 

_I’ll take that as a yes._

 

Finn swirled his tongue around the head, loving the way Poe tasted and the heat rising up off of him.  He moved his hands to either side of Poe’s hips and began slowly moving up and down Poe’s cock.

 

Poe’s hands settled on Finn’s arms, lightly grasping his biceps—more as an anchor for Poe than anything else.

 

Finn looked up.  Poe’s neck was craned; he was watching Finn, his mouth hanging open.  As Finn twisted his tongue around the head, both of Poe’s eyebrows raised and his mouth opened slightly, but otherwise, Poe was still, enraptured. 

 

It was lovely. 

 

And for a moment, Finn got lost in it.

 

But then Finn refocused on Poe’s cock, going all the way down and quickly back up.  As he started to quicken his pace, he could feel Poe shifting his hips—just barely thrusting up into him.  He smiled.  _Delicate_ wasn’t a word he often used to describe Poe, but in the moment, it fit.

 

Finn closed his eyes, letting it overwhelm his senses.  The feel of Poe, the taste of him, that deep musky scent that was all Poe.  _This is mine.  All mine._

 

Poe was making these small breathy noises and his thrusts were becoming more pronounced.  His fingers dug into Finn’s arms.  “Finnnnnnnn,” he begged.  _Don’t ever leave me._

 

Poe let out a small gasp, and that was all the warning Finn got.  Suddenly, Poe was coming as his hips jerked up once, twice, three times.

 

For a moment, everything was silent and still and the near-constant commentary going on in both their heads stopped.  Then, it was as if the world started spinning again.  It was a rush of fears mixed in with the sounds of Poe’s panting and the feeling of the tears leaking from Finn’s eyes.

 

Finn pulled off of Poe’s cock with a loud pop and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm.  Poe was exquisite—his eyes shut, his curls plastered to his sweaty forehead, his breathing uneven.  _All mine_ , Finn thought.

 

He smiled, slicking up his finger and pressing it to Poe’s rim.

 

Poe let out a whine as Finn pressed it in. “Shhhh,” Finn said.  “We’re not finished yet.”

 

Finn worked the finger in and out, twisting it slightly.  He let his other hand skim over Poe’s stomach and chest, savoring the heat of Poe’s smooth skin.   _Mine forever_.  Finn worked in a second and then a third finger, scissoring them, watching as Poe writhed underneath him.  “You’re so beautiful, baby.” 

 

Poe’s eyes stayed shut, but he gave Finn a small smile and Finn felt it radiate through his body.  “All yours,” Poe managed.  He opened his eyes, meeting Finn’s and Finn felt himself stop. 

 

Finn smiled down at Poe.  “Always.”

 

As Finn pulled his fingers out, he lubed up his cock and pressed it ever so slowly into Poe, crawling forward as he did.  Today, he needed as much skin-to-skin contact as possible.  Finn moved quickly up Poe’s body, finding his lips and pressing into them as he began to thrust. 

 

As he broke the kiss, Finn rocked back and Poe chased him, making a small needy sound.  Poe’s hands were grabbing at Finn’s sides, pulling him back down.  “Need you, Finn.  Need to feel you.”  _He’s here.  He’s alive.  We made it_.  “Need…”

 

“Shhh, baby.  We’re safe.”  Finn’s hand cupped the top of Poe’s head, stroking his hair gently.   _Mine_.  Finn closed his eyes and let his cheek rest on Poe’s face for a moment, letting his world shrink down to the feeling of Poe beneath him and the sound of Poe’s breathing. 

 

Finn started thrusting just a bit faster.  Poe was trying hard not to cry.  _He’s here.  We’re safe._   Poe wrapped both of his arms around Finn’s neck, holding him close.  _Don’t ever leave me_.  “Don’t,” he panted out.  “Don’t go,” he pleaded.

 

“I’m here, baby,” Finn breathed out.  “Always here.”  Finn shifted so that his nose was next to Poe’s, their mouths not quite touching.  _Mine._ He could feel Poe’s breath across his face. _Mine forever._

 

Poe let out a long wail and began thrusting up to meet Finn.  _He’s safe._   He squeezed his eyes shut, groaning with each thrust.  Poe pressed his forehead into Finn’s.  _He’s alive_.  The tears were leaking from his eyes now.  _Please don’t leave me_.  The words wouldn’t come anymore, so he let forth a low sob and held Finn even closer.

 

 _You’re mine, Poe_ , Finn thought as he captured Poe’s mouth.  It was a messy, sloppy kiss, full of teeth and false starts and having to move, readjust, and try again.  Their hands were grabbing and roving, and neither one could seem to stay still as they tried to keep the kiss going—neither one wanting to be the one to break contact.

 

Eventually, though, Finn pulled back, gasping for air.  “Let me up, baby,” Finn whispered and Poe reluctantly released his grip on Finn, moving his hands to the floor, grasping at nothing, trying to find purchase.  _Don’t leave_.  He looked up at Finn, begging him to understand.

 

Finn sat up, one hand on Poe’s chest, the other on his thigh.  He looked down at his lover and felt the tears stinging his own cheeks.  He moved his hand to Poe’s face.  He nodded.  _We’re gonna make it, Poe._

 

Finn could feel it building now.  _You’re always gonna be mine._   He leaned his head back and every fear—every thought—left his head.  Two strong thrusts and he came with a growl, his fingers digging into Poe. 

 

Finn closed his eyes as his body went stiff.  Everything stopped for a moment, and there was only this—the sound of Poe’s breathing, the feeling of Poe, hot and tight, surrounding him, under him, in his hands.  Finn wanted to hold onto it, never let it go.  He stopped breathing so that nothing could interrupt this one pure moment. 

 

_Mine. Forever._

 

His body began shaking, and Finn drew in a long, ragged breath. 

 

After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked down at Poe.  Poe’s eyes were wide and watery—full of fear and questions.  Finn closed his eyes.  “It’s…,” he took in a long breath.  “It’s gonna be okay, baby.”

 

He found Poe’s hand and put it on Poe’s cock, helping Poe stroke it.  He stayed inside Poe, leaning forward until he found Poe’s lips again, kissing him over and over in time with Poe’s hand.     _We’re here.  We made it.  I’m never letting you go again_.

 

Poe was making nonsense noises, punctuated every so often by a quiet “Finn.”

 

Finn felt himself start to thrust again, the both of them moving in this quiet rhythm.  It was soft and slow, and skin slid against skin.  Their breathing started to match up, and Finn felt warm, lightheaded, as if he were somewhere else entirely.  He pressed his cheek to Poe’s.  “Come for me,” he whispered.  Poe’s whole body was moving now, his free hand holding Finn’s shoulders tight. 

 

Poe didn’t speak; his eyes stayed screwed shut—his entire being focused on this movement.  _Alive.  We’re alive_.  Poe kept repeating it over and over again in his head, and Finn could feel all of the terror of the past day—hell, of the past few years—in Poe’s grip on him.  Finn started weeping.

 

Poe yelled, “Urangh,” and he was spilling over his hand onto their chests.

 

_Alive._

 

Finn kept thrusting through Poe’s orgasm, focused on this feeling—of them together, caught out of time and away from the war.  He needed it to last forever.  _We’re gonna survive this_. 

 

But all too soon, he was there again, coming and shouting, lost as the world exploded into a million pieces of light.

 

_We have to survive this._

 

**# # # #**

 

“Poe? Finn?  You copy?  I said we’ve landed outside the base.  You there?”  Bastian’s voice echoed through the chamber.

 

“Shit,” Poe said.  “Fuck!”

 

Finn smiled.  “What is it?”

 

“Where’s my boot?”

 

Finn was hastily pulling up his pants.  As he jumped into them, he scanned the floor and then nodded to a space behind Poe.  “There.”

 

“Kriff,” Poe said spotting it.  “Thanks, babe.”

 

“Poe?  Finn?” came Bastian’s worried voice.

 

“Crap,” Poe said.  He mustered up his calmest voice.  “Copy that, Bastian.  We’re headed your way.  We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

 

“Looking forward to it,” Bastian said.

 

As Poe slipped his boot on, he quickly spun, trying to survey if he’d left any other clothes on the floor.  “When we get back to base…”

 

“When we get back to base, we decompress properly…and then we celebrate.  I will personally tell the General that the de-brief will have to wait.”  Poe lifted an amused eyebrow and Finn added, “Okay, I probably won’t say that, but…”

 

“I appreciate the sentiment, dear.”  Poe said wrapping a hand around his fiancée and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.  “Now, let’s get the hell outta here.”

 

As they started down the hall, Poe tried to steady his breathing, but all at once, he was fighting back tears.  The last day had been a bit overwhelming, to say the least.  He looked over at Finn.  _I love him more than anything in the galaxy, but what if…_   He closed his eyes, willing the tears away. 

 

Finn took his hand and squeezed it, seeming to intuit his thoughts.  “In the end, I’d rather be married to you for one minute than never at all.  Besides,” he said, pressing Poe’s hand to his lips, “I think we’re going to turn out like one of your romance novels.”

 

“Yeah?” Poe said.

 

“I’m betting on happily ever after, Dameron,” Finn said.

 

Poe’s smile was weak, but he’d be damned if the glint in Finn’s eye wasn’t convincing.  “Me too, babe.  Me, too.”

 

**# # # #**

 

 **_Battle Wounds_ ** **, page 247:**

Ari looked out across the grasslands and thought back to his conversation with Ezra years ago.  Ari chuckled.  “You’ll be happy to know, it’s still not on fire,” he whispered.

 

Mykha gave him a confused look. 

 

“Just a joke for Ez.”

 

Mykha nodded.  Ari was forever talking to their fallen comrade.  As far as Mykha could tell, it had to do with their romantic bond.  But as Mykha couldn’t really process romantic bonds, he just chalked it up as one of Ari’s peculiarities, talking to the dead.

 

“Do you need to be alone,” Mykha asked.

 

“No,” Ari said.  “You should stay.”  He smiled, watching the grasses wave in the breeze.  He took in a deep breath.  “It’s going to be a lovely day.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

His smile broadened.  “Faith, Mykha.  Sometimes you have to have a little bit of faith that everything will work out.”

 

 


End file.
